Orlando Woman Gives Birth to Two Feathered Babies!

Just when I thought Kforce couldn’t give me anything more, I was completely surprised. About a month ago, Kforce made me a mom…in a very unusual sense of the word.

That’s right, a mom…to Carl Dunn and Jordana Valle, my little baby technical recruiting birds.

Tweet. Tweet.

To most of you, it is no secret I am in the process of moving to California to embark on a crazy (and exciting!) journey with our San Francisco office. (To the rest of you, get with it.) Because of this, our Orlando team was in desperate needs of some new, insanely good recruiters. There was a lot of fretting, lost sleep and appetites because my greatness is very hard to replicate. There were even rumors that Big Brother was toying with the idea of closing Kforce all together; after all, what is Kforce Orlando Tech without Megan “Hoppy” Hopkins? Fortunately, they recognized that it was very shortsighted to throw the baby out with the bath water and instead, focused their efforts on finding someone almost as impressive as me. After scouring the world (or just Orlando) and interviewing countless people…they succeeded in finding some awesome talent…and that awesomeness came in the form of 5’7” (3/4) Carl Dunn (who, you don’t know, but…) and Kforce’s own OnStaff rock star, Jordana Valle.

At first, I was overwhelmed at the idea “training” anyone. (Ok, who am I kidding? I loved it. Not only am I a great recruiter, I’m an even better bosser-arounder.) The idea of molding them into the technical recruiters they needed to be was intimidating; everything I did they would mimic and I was going to greatly affect their moral compass and help them become responsible recruiting adults. If I said a foul word, I was afraid they’d pick it up, too. If I lashed out and hit a candidate, would they do the same? Was spanking appropriate? Lord help them. (No, seriously…Lord, help them.)

Fortunately, after about a week I realized these two fledglings had a pretty good understanding of recruiting and they were going to mature just fine. There were a few times where I had to help young Carl fly straight, but for the most part, he was dying to jump face first out of the nest and get recruiting. I even had the pleasure of being around for his first word, (“mythology” and his first sentence, “My name is Carl Dunn. You don’t know me but…”). Being a mother was definitely proving to be a very rewarding experience.

As time progressed, things got better and better. My two birdies grew stronger and wiser…until finally….

…the time came. I had to stop feeding them worms in the form of great candidates, contacts, and unknown technical knowledge and let them leave the nest.

That time was today, folks, at 2:34pm, when I left the Orlando Kforce office (after 3 years!) and hit the road for the airport…and San Francisco. Though I will miss my two feathered young, I know they will do great and will make their mama proud.

…Ok, enough weirdness.

In all seriousness, today was my last day in the Kforce Orlando office and I have turned over the recruiting reigns to Carl Dunn and Jordana Valle. Though both are new to the Kforce Technology team, they have been recruiting for years and anyone that works with them is in GREAT hands.

Carl Dunn joined Kforce about a month or so ago and can be reached at cdunn@kforce.com. He is a wealth of technical knowledge (just ask him...) and is equally as street savvy. He enjoys horseback riding, fly fishing, Indian food, Greek mythology, and classical music. Rumor has it that he is plays the harp in his spare time but that has yet to be verified.

Jordana Valle has been with Kforce for over three years and has experience recruiting everything under the sun. She can be reached at jvalle@kforce.com and is anxiously awaiting your correspondence. She has a great nose (for food…and BS) and is a great recruiter to have in your corner. In Jordana’s spare time, she enjoys classic literature (she is an old soul), day trips to Disney, hiking, children, and has a particular interest in telecom.

You’re going to wear WHAT? Carson Kressley hits Orlando…

I’m not the most coordinated person when it comes to dressing myself. In fact, it is a running joke in my office that I ALWAYS wear a dress to work…and not because I’m exceptionally girly. Instead, I am borderline lazy when it comes to clothing and dresses are easy. There is no matching involved (other than your shoes…and I almost wear the same pair everyday so that’s simple enough) and you only have to throw one thing on in the morning and you are ready to go…and look quite cute to boot. Dresses are my thing.

Recently a lot of my posts have been inspired by crazy stuff my candidates do…and this one is no different. I harp a lot on looking presentable for interviews (with a staffing firm and the “real” company), first day at work, etc. and there is a reason for that. When you dress the part, it makes a good first (second, third…seventh) impression. In my three years with Kforce, I’ve seen a lot of crazy stuff. (And when I say “crazy”, that means plain freakin’, WTF were you thinking doing that/wearing that NUTS.)

Let me take you back to the beginning of my wild and crazy career with The Force.

It was a dark and stormy night…ok, not really, but a little added suspense never hurts.

I had been working with Kforce for a few months and I had recently recruited a killer candidate and he was going to come in and meet with me for an in-person interview. I was excited…very, very excited. Not only was his resume absolutely freakin’ awesome, he was articulate, and I was positive that he would present wonderfully in person.

WRONG.

I got a call from the front desk and she told me that Nameless Candidate #1 had arrived for his interview. I walked out, anxious to meet my .Net stunner and I was stopped dead in my tracks. For a split second, I thought I was being punked. As I looked at his outfit and tried to make sense of what was before me I couldn’t help but…laugh (terrible, nervous habit). Before me stood a pair of corduroy pants about six inches too short (almost capris, but not quite) riddled with holes, tube socks, (if I hadn’t known better I would have sworn he was sharing socks with my little brother), some rockin’ Velcro shoes…and a Guy Harvey shirt adorned with a big marlin. For the record, I love Guy Harvey and I was still turned off. To top off the look, he was sporting the Prince Charles all-the-way-to-the-ear part and some HUGE glasses. He looked hot. Immediately, my opinion of this candidate changed. Though I was very excited about his background and the way he presented verbally, I was terrified to put him in front of a client. I had been pretty clear that professional dress was required for in-person interviews and if this was his idea of professional dress…Dios Mio, I was in trouble. Against my better judgment, I took a chance on him anyway (after some serious wardrobe counseling)…and he showed up wearing the same freakin’ pants to his client interview. My client actually called me after and asked me if I had found him on the street. (For the record, no, I found him on Monster.com…the other street). My client did recognize that he had the skills to do the job but couldn’t get over his appearance. As a result, Nameless Candidate #1 remained unemployed.

About a year later, I met Nameless Candidate #2 and unlike Nameless Candidate #1, he looked awesome when he came in for his in-person interview with me. This guy was sharp and to top it off, was a technical wizard. I was extremely excited to get him presented to some of my clients. I presented him to a few things that didn’t pan out and finally to a job that he eventually got. The only crappy part was this job wasn’t slated to start for over a month from the time of the interview. Fortunately, it was a big love fest between Nameless Candidate #2 and my client so my candidate agreed to wait and start the job in about five weeks when it opened up. Everything was perfect.

Or so I thought.

The five weeks passed pretty quickly and I went to walk Nameless Candidate #2 on for his first day (and give him his brown bag lunch…or not). As soon as I walked up, I noticed something was off but I couldn’t quite place it. He looked different.

And then it hit me.

Nameless Candidate #2 thought it was a stellar idea to put gauges in his ears.

Awesome.

So Awesome, in fact, his manager called me about an hour or so later and told me that HR had big issues with the gauges (shocker!) and I needed to counsel my candidate. Again with the damn counseling! Perhaps he could wear Band-Aids over the large holes in his ears? In any event, I gave him a ring, informed him that gauges didn’t scream “Hello, I’m a professional” and told him that he would have to wear Band-Aids over his ears during the workday. Very awkward situation...

…but certainly not the most awkward one I’ve been in. No, no…that honor is reserved for Nameless Candidate #3 that decided to dye her hair bright red (Lucille Ball has nothing on this lady) after I advised her to groom herself a little.

I met Nameless Candidate #3 much like the others and while she didn’t come dressed like a frump to her interview with me, she wasn’t overly put together. She was average and a little bit of a hippie…and that was f-i-n-e with me. I love hippies…I am moving to San Francisco, after all. She interviewed telephonically with a client of mine and he liked her enough to bring her in. She went in for her first in-person with the client and did reasonably well. His only criticism was that she was a bit of a “naturalist” and she might need to clean up a little before the final round of interviews (panel). Though I was not thrilled about advising someone to brush their hair etc. (should be common sense, but who am I to judge?), I told her to spruce it up a little and she should be good to go.

And thus began the breakdown in communication. Apparently, when I said, “Spruce it up and brush your hair.” she took that as, “Dye your hair the most obnoxious and unnatural color you can find…oh, and don’t use gloves…and pay no attention to your hairline.”

You see where I’m going with this, right? Yeah….

The day of the final interview rolls around and I meet Nameless Candidate #3 onsite at my client’s. She is dressed appropriately (kind of)…but wait a second…what is all of that red stuff all over her???? Has she been sacrificing animals in her spare time? (She is a proud PETA advocate so I quickly ruled that out…and noticed her flaming red hair.)

Instead, it seemed that she thought it was a wise idea to sex it up a little and color her hair and take no care to wash her hands…face…neck, forearms…etc. It was awful. No, it was beyond awful it was a train wreck…and a half.

I was inclined to spit on my finger (mommy style) and start rubbing the stuff off of her but I had no time. Mr. Client came out and escorted my little hair dye warrior into the interview room. To her credit, she held her own in the interview…but did not get the job. Before I received any technical feedback I was asked, “Was she in an accident?”

“Define accident”, I thought. If you mean she covered herself head to toe in dye because she wanted to spice it up, then yes, she was in a terrible, terrible accident.

Sadly, this stuff seems to happen all of the time and I guess channeling my inner “Queer Eye” is part of my job description. While I think it is common sense to dress appropriately (translation: wear a freakin’ suit) and not make any drastic alterations to your appearance before interviewing or starting a job, it isn’t as obvious to a lot of the people on the job market. I sincerely wish that candidates could get a job solely based on their technical prowess but there are so many other factors that are considered, namely team fit, environment fit, and appearance (and when I say appearance, I just mean look normal). So, for what it is worth (and I know I sound like a broken record), always remember to dress appropriately and maintain a “normal” and professional appearance.

Corduroy, red hair dye, gauges, and Guy Harvey (especially Guy Harvey) are hot…but save it for your house…on the weekend…when you are all alone…in the dark.

...But Now I can NEVER be President of the United States!

I consider myself a pretty fortunate person. I have a great job, a freakin’ stellar boyfriend, a roof over my head, food on my table…and three of the most awesome little brothers a girl could ask for. Other than being their mentor (who wouldn’t want to be like me?), punching bag, maid, alibi, and co-conspirator, my job description also requires me to be a little rat. Sometimes. (Oh come on, who doesn’t like to get their brothers in trouble…on occasion?) Of course, I like to think that I only rat my brothers out when it is absolutely necessary…or when I am bored. For example, it was imperative for me to tell my mom that Ryan was trying to teach Kevin how to smoke at the age of 14, or that it was Ryan that broke my doll bed (when, in fact, it was actually me…oops), or that I was pretty certain that Ryan was the one sneaking the bottles of wine out of the cabinet. So naturally, when I saw my youngest brother, Casey, using some rather foul language on his Facebook posts, I had to step in and show him the error of his ways. Before I reported him to Big Brother (aka MOM), I tried to have a nice little sisterly chat with him. I told him that while he thought his naughty posts were funny (and I have to admit it…they were hysterical), it was possible for someone to find them and while he was trying to get into college, find a job, etc. it probably wasn’t the wisest idea to have F bombs flying left and right for the world to see. I wish I could say that he immediately recognized that his all knowing big sister was right but such was not the case. Instead, Casey, the magical wordsmith, fought back. I believe he even mentioned the First Amendment. (Our parents are lawyers so falling back on the Constitution and Bill of Rights is natural.) In any event, after bickering back and forth, I decided that it was time I released my secret weapon...so I picked up the phone and called my mom. She put a stop to Casey’s antics very quickly. Within an hour, he was off of Facebook (on a temporary basis), grounded, and without his beloved Fender guitar for an entire week. I felt bad about his temporary separation from his guitar, but sometimes, you have to hit em’ where it hurts to get the point across.

While I’m pretty sure not much harm would have come to Casey because of his posts (I don’t think the UCF Gestapo even knows who he is) , I thought it was important to point out that small things like that could (and do!) hurt a person’s college/job search.

A few days ago, one of my dev buddies sent me an email about a candidate he was thinking of hiring. In this email I did not find a resume or dynamic executive summary. Instead, I was presented with a listed of inappropriate sites this candidate was on, crude blog posts, and trashy tweets overrun with obscenities. Though this candidate’s technical background was beyond reproach, his extra curricular activities and posts quickly took him out of the running for a job. As soon as my buddy found this information (and it took all of ten minutes), he put everything in an email, forwarded to the interviewing committee, and the candidate’s final interview was cancelled.

I wish I could say this was a rare occurrence, but this kind of thing happens all of the time. About a year ago, we have someone interviewing for an internal position with Kforce. He seemed like a nice enough guy, but because I am a quasi stalker, I decided to do a little research anyway. I typed his name into Google (this was before Bing, so please don’t judge me) and the first three hits were inappropriate adult sites. Way below that (like at the very, very bottom of the results page) was his LinkedIn profile. I forwarded this to the person doing the interviewing, and he was eliminated from consideration. Now, I know some of you might think I am terrible for doing that, but frankly, I’m not jazzed about having a XXX model as my sales partner, since we rely on our reputation a lot in this industry. Correct me if I’m wrong, but naked internet pictures do not scream, “Hi, I’m very professional. Let me be in charge of staffing your team.”

Whenever I work with candidates, I always, always, ALWAYS tell them to make sure to do a little research…on themselves. Bing is your friend and you should use it whenever you are thinking of making a job change. I stalk myself (almost obsessively) because I like to know what other people are seeing when they look me up. While I’m not sure other firms do (since I’ve only worked at The Force), but I imagine pretty much recruiter would advise their candidate’s to do the same thing…and even if they don’t, you can bet your butt that the end client is doing their research. I’ve had a few clients come back and cancel interviews because of some questionable material they found. Losing out on a job always sucks (particularly in this economy), but it sucks twice as much when you lose it because of a mistake that could have been prevented. Just like in any thing else you do, doing your due diligence always pays off…and if you insist on posting naked pictures, tweeting foul word followed by foul word, or doing something else just as stupid, do it AFTER you got the job. Kidding.

I pledge allegiance to The Force....

Some say it takes a certain kind of crazy to working in technology staffing (or any type of staffing/human trafficking ring, for that matter) and I absolutely agree. Not many people in my industry grew up wanting to be a recruiter. I know I didn’t. (We’ve already covered my wacky childhood ambitions in earlier posts….I had my sights on much cooler things…) When I started my sentence at Kforce I wasn’t sure what to expect. For all purposes, Kforce was my first real job and to say that I wasn’t intimidated by the massiveness of this company would be a HUGE lie. I assumed that everyone at The Force was assigned a little barcode on their first day and when the powers that be were done with you, the floor would open up and your fancy rolling chair would disappear into Kforce oblivion where you would then be turned into glue.

My first week at Kforce was interesting. I was assigned to our “Search” team (full desk, direct hire) and I didn’t know what in the world was going on. I knew nothing (seriously, NOTHING) about technology and I was put in a corner and told to recruit Java people. “Java???? What in the hell is Java?”, I thought. After a day or so of calling these mysterious Java people and sounding absolutely retarded, I decided that I was going to recruit .Net people instead. To my pea-sized woman brain (its science) this seemed the better route to go. Fortunately, I was right and I started to have more fun in my little cube. I actually met one of my best friends on my second .Net recruiting call. He took pity on me and took me under his dev wing. Slowly but surely, I was becoming less and less clueless. (Thank God for Luis.) In any event, after I got on the .Net train, I started to love my job more and more. The people I worked with weren’t half bad either. I was starting to bond with the other people on the tech team and I quickly saw what a great group of people I worked with. We were all in this crazy staffing thing together. But still, I thought, there was no way the entire company could be as cool as my immediate group of Kforcers. We all had a bond. We had matching barcode tattoos.

About a month or so after joined the staffing elite, my personal life hit the skids. I was getting a divorce. I tried to handle this as quietly (and quickly) as possible but at some point I had to be out of the office to deal with all of the fun and excitement that accompanies the big D. Being the newbie to the Orlando clan, I was very nervous about how my latest adventure would interfere with the staffing arts. Not only was I surprised with the support of local management, I also had quite a few cheerleaders at corporate. I was encouraged to take as much time as I needed to get things situated, to mourn (…or celebrate), and just to get my life squared away. I was assured that my fancy rolling chair would still be there waiting for me and that I would be granted a stay of execution. Little did I know, this was just a preview of how great Kforce is as an organization; apparently, the awesomeness was not limited to just the local Orlando office.

In the months to come, I was continually surprised with how great, supportive, and accommodating everyone at Kforce was. Whether I was in need of something small, some additional training and support, someone to vent to, or some major accommodations, my direct boss, along with my Market VP, National Champs, etc. were right there to help. A few months before my one year mark, my father, who had been ill with cancer for a few years, took a turn for the worse. As soon as I mentioned this to my boss, he immediately went to work getting me set up to work remotely and told me to go home to be with my dad. I didn’t have to ask permission and I didn’t have to worry about my job and what would become of it. Everyone assured me that I could take as much time as I needed and the important thing was to be home with my dad. He ended up passing away a couple of weeks later and I am forever grateful to The Force for their understanding and compassion. Now, in all fairness, I’m sure that most companies would allow their employee to go home and be with family during something like this. I get that. What I’m not certain about is that most companies would tell said employee to take off as much time before and after and really mean it. I received no guilt trips, no stressful conversations about my numbers (or lack thereof), and no whip cracking when I returned. And once again, my rolling chair was still there.

Two more years have passed and I am still impressed with The Force.

I am asked a lot why I love working for Kforce so much and for me that answer is pretty simple. Kforce is very big on taking care of their people and that message starts from the very top. Whether you be a Kforce internal employee or a contractor, we try to treat everyone like family. Crap happens, of course, but at then end of the day, Kforce is a company that (TRULY) cares and tries to do the right thing. Though we are a sales organization, we are not run by a heavy hand and we are encouraged to have a life outside of our jobs…just not during prime time. All in all, The Force is made up of people that really like what they do, the industries they represent, and transferring their passion to others with the staffing bug…and I’m so proud to be apart of that.

So, Dave Dunkel, if you are reading this…(or your assistant…or your assistant’s assistant), hats off to you for growing such a great company and placing an emphasis on values that really matter. I always say that I will never leave this place unless someone packs my desk up for me…so…please…stay away…and leave me and my rolling chair in peace. :)

Booyakasha! Today we's goin' to talk about interviewin'

Job interviews can be a lot like being on Da Ali G Show. You think you know what you are getting into and then the interviewer throws something in about drug-sniffing dogs and WMD and completely messes you up. Next thing you know, you are tripping all over yourself and your interview ends…and you do not have a job.

Ok, so maybe the drug and WMD talk is a bit of a stretch but you know what I’m getting at. Job interviews have a tendency to be stressful anyway (even when you think you are prepared) but can quickly go downhill if you aren’t acquainted with the ABC’s of interviewing.

There is no earthly reason why KForce should have hired me; I bombed not only one interview, but both of them. To be honest, I stumbled upon KForce on accident. I had just finished school and was working as a paralegal (for my ex-husband’s friend so I’m not even sure it counts as a j-o-b…) and I was beyond bored and didn’t really know what I wanted to with myself. I was a Forensic Science major in college (following my dream to be a deer when I grew up, I decided to be a medical examiner) but eventually decided that I did not want to work with dead people and bugs. I don’t think I am too high maintenance but that was still a little too gross for me at the end of the day. My buddy, Thomas (now in our Denver office), worked at KForce and for some reason, thought I’d be a good fit so he floated my resume over to the Director of the Tech team, where they had a few openings. Sounded good to me, I thought, though I really had no idea what KForce was and what the entire staffing industry was about. In fact, other than Thomas, the only other person I met in staffing was wildly obnoxious and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to work with his “kind”. Besides, I was already obnoxious enough; I didn’t need any help in that department. A few days after Thomas gave my resume to my now old boss, I got a call from the KForce internal recruiter, Sean. Apparently, they were interested enough to interview me and we set a time for the following day.

I’d like to say that I rocked the phone screen, but that’d be a lie. I’m pretty sure I bored the living hell out of Sean. We talked about running for a few minutes (good job getting me to warm up to you, Sean) and then he asked me, “So why do you want to get into staffing?”

“Ummmmmmm….” Why can’t you phone a friend on questions like this???? I thought to myself, “Because I want a job…” but I had enough sense (thank God for small miracles) not to say that. Instead I said something super lame and we chatted for a few more minutes and hung up. I was pretty sure KForce was going to shred my resume and I’d never be invited to join the world of the staffing elite.

And then, I got a second interview request and this time it was a face to face request with the two managers in the local Orlando office. I was as excited as a clueless 23 year old could be and started to do the natural thing…plan my outfit (not a suit, by the way, mistake number one…). The day of the interview rolled around and I did a little research, put on my most professional looking getup, and made the mistake of letting my ex-husband drive me to the interview…at the Bank of America building. He let me out on the curb (such a gentleman) at the BOA building and I quickly realized that KForce was nowhere to be found. My first thought was, “Boiler room, I knew it!!” and was quickly followed by, “Megan, you’re an idiot. You wrote down the wrong info.” I called The Force and realized that KForce was actually in the AmSouth building a couple of blocks down the road. Naturally, this would not have been the end of the world but…I was already five minutes late and it was insanely hot so I was guaranteed to show up sweaty and gross. Not so awesome. In any event, I hoofed it down the road, arrived 15 minutes late, visibly flustered.

Things did not get better. I was off my game (What game??? Who am I kidding???) and I had nothing to contribute. I had no questions to ask, I was horribly timid, and I didn’t know jack about technology. I thought I was almost done with the interview and I could go lick my wounds privately and then I was put to “the question”….

“So, Forensic Science?? What prompted that?”

Ok, how do I answer this and not sound like a complete freak????? Ah, I know.

“I wanted to be a coroner and I love crime scenes….”

WTF? Yeah, I really said that. There was a dead silence and then it got worse.

My interview eventually ended and I went home to fasten my noose. Then, I got a phone call and they wanted to hire me! Apparently, KForce was looking for a 23 year old flake that had not-so-secret dreams of working with dead people and I was the answer to their prayers. Never mind the fact that I was late, not in a suit, had nothing to contribute, didn’t engage the interviewer, was extremely boring, and had the communication skills of a four year old. They wanted to hire me!!!!

I accepted and rode off into the KForce sunset and for some reason, they have kept me around.

I lucked out BIG TIME (partially because I was an internal referral and partially because I was young and blonde) and they took a chance on me even though I sucked. Thank goodness they did because I can’t imagine doing anything else (and I’m not just saying that because “Big Brother” might be reading this). I will never leave this place unless my desk is packed up for me (please do not get any ideas, boss man) and during the course of my KForce dog years, I have learned a thing or two about interviewing.

Here is my top ten list of interviewing tips for a successful (or at the very least, less crappy) interview:

1)Don’t dress like a fool. Suits, suits, suits. I know some of you might disagree with me, but for an interview, wearing a suit is a must. You can wear your short shorts and flip flops when you have the job and they say it is ok…and not until then. And when I say “suit”, I mean a dark suit. Everyone wants to express themselves and get creative, but an interview is not the time.
2)Research the company. Know what they do. Be prepared to talk about what they do and why it appeals to you. Also know a little about the people that will be interviewing you.
3)Have a list of questions prepared for the interviewer. Even though “Ummmm” and “I don’t know” worked for me, it probably won’t work for you. Hell, it barely worked for me…and I’m a cute girl.
4)Write down a list of questions you think they will ask you and practice your answers beforehand…so when they ask about WMD you’ll be ready for it.
5)Be engaging. Don’t yawn. Don’t act disinterested. At the same time, don’t get overly emotional. Stay cool, calm, and collected always.
6)If you want the job, say so. If they say, “No”, storm out. Kidding.
7)Be on time. No, scratch that. Be a little early….but leave the tent and sleeping bag at home.
8)Do a drive-by the night before. Know where you are going so you aren’t cursing the day MapQuest was born the day of your interview.
9)If you are asked to provide work samples, make sure they are good. Framed pictures of unicorns need not apply. (And yes, the unicorn really happened…and no, the guy did not get the job.)
10)Say, "I don't know." If you are asked a question you do not know the answer to, admit that instead of beating around the bush…but be prepared to talk about what you would do to find the answer.

JACKSONVILLE. J-A-X-S…….

“Can you use that in a sentence, please?”

“Yes. Megan will be speaking at Jacksonville Code Camp on August 29th and will try her best not to faint out of nerves.”

Faint, you ask? Yes, people, true freaking story coming right up!

Let me take you back…way, WAY back to ninth grade. OrlandoTechNuts had just started a new school (performing arts!) and she was THRILLED to be among her “kind” finally. For years, Mama and Papa Nuts made little TechNuts go to a stuffy private school and she hated it…seriously HATED IT. Everyone was catty and overly concerned with having the latest and greatest (thanks mom and dad for raising me in Palm Beach…ick) and we had to wear uniforms. Uniforms, in theory are a great idea, but when you have an overly creative child (me), it is never a great idea to force a crappy polyester uniform on them. Not to mention, I was chubby and those damned uniforms were constricting. In any event, I hated that place. All I wanted to do was go to art class and creative writing, but instead, because it was the “HOT” school to blow your money on, I had to sit in Latin. I sucked at Latin. I failed every test and sucked so much that my teacher actually made an appearance at my house and asked my parents if I, nerdy, chubby, 11 year old TechNuts, was doing drugs (designer, of course) or having sex. What???? For the record, when I was 11 years old, my grand dream was to become a deer when I was older. I’d come home from school (I can’t believe I’m revealing this to the blogging world), watch Sailor Moon in my room with a snack (I did mention I was chubby), and then go outside and think about what it would be like to be a deer and how I could make that happen. I always was a dreamer. If Napoleon Dynamite had a younger, stranger sister, I fit the bill.

Private school hell continued until one day I heard about this performing arts school down the road…on the other side of the tracks (read: with the normal people in Palm Beach County). I begged my parents to let me audition for the Visual Arts department, one thing let to another, and Voila! I was in! I was already beyond elated that I didn’t have to wear a uniform and I could proudly sport my AC/DC shirt (courtesy of my dad) but I was even more excited that I could pick my classes. No more Latin…instead, hours of painting and creative writing lay ahead and I couldn’t have been more excited. On my first day in my creative writing class, I walked in to Mr. Johnston’s room (one of the best teachers I’ve ever had) and he announced that our first assignment was to do an introductory speech, no more than five minutes in length, talking about, well, ourselves. No big deal, I thought.

Yeah, no big deal until I mentioned the assignment to my crazy, creative, over the top mom. Immediately, she started brainstorming wild ideas (now you all know where I get it) and came up with something great…in her mind. I was fully prepared to get up and talk off the cuff about me, my hobbies, etc. No, No. By time my mom was done with me, my speech began with, “Single, white female: In search of self.” (Yes, I was so traumatized, I still remember it.)

The “BIG DAY” rolled around and I felt like I was going to vomit when I walked in the room. I did not want to make my big appearance in class as the weird girl that talked about herself in terms of a personal ad. A few kids went before me and, shocker, their presentations were all normal. They were beyond normal…and the teacher liked them. I then decided to do something normal, too. No point in standing out now…until freaking Luke Wiley got up before me (Luke now is a principal dancer with a huge ballet company in NYC), did a perfect fouetté rond de jambe en tournant (for those of you not in the dance know, look it up), and blew everyone out of the water. Shit. I guess I was going with the personal ad after all. I’ve always been competitive and wasn’t going to let this guy do better than me. I also got that from my mom.

It was my turn. I was sweating bullets. I felt like I had cotton balls in my mouth. I instantly wanted to be back in Ms. Lovell’s Latin class. I opened my mouth and spoke. I got, “Single, white…” out and then…well, and then the room went dark. Man down! That’s right. I fainted. But I couldn’t even do that gracefully (damn you, Luke Wiley and your perfect ballet ways!). On my way down, I clipped my head on the side of a desk, requiring several stitches. Great first impression speech.

After this incident, public speaking has never been high on my list. In fact, I avoided it at all costs. I even put the required speech class off in college until it was the very last class I had to take to graduate. I hated it and I was terrified I’d have a repeat of Mr. Johnston’s ninth grade trauma all over again. Fortunately, I had a wonderful teacher in college that helped me get over that so now I like to talk in public…perhaps a little too much.

With that said, OrlandoTechNuts, in all of my glory will be speaking at Jacksonville Code Camp on August 29th. My session is Why and How to Partner With a Staffing Firm and I’m hoping it is well received and doesn’t bore the living crap out of everyone in the room. I’m also hoping that I have more than 3 people in the room. That’d suck, too. In any event, my Code Camp speaking debut will go down at 11:00am…and hopefully I don’t go down (a la ninth grade) with it. I’m really excited about this opportunity and I think from my (dog) years at KForce I have a lot of insight to bring to the table. (If you disagree, nod your head anyway and stop trying to crush my dreams. My ego needs to be at least partly intact on August 29th.)

For more information on Jacksonville Code Camp, click here! Please be sure to check out all of the other speakers and sessions. Code Camps always make me excited but this one is going to be freakin’ awesome and all money goes to a great cause: Wolfson Children’s Hospital!

Hope to see everyone there!

Barbara Walters, eat your heart out: Russ Fustino is joining The View!

Ok, not really but close. Kind of.

Tonight, Russ Fustino will be filming the 4th episode of his hit show, Russ’ Tool Shed. Due to some unfortunate scheduling, the ABC studio was already booked so Microsoft and the Tampa .Net User Group was kind enough to lend Russ some space for his Emmy winning drama. Tonight’s episode is called “It’s All About the Tools” (no, they aren’t referring to my exes…surprising, I know.) and it promises to be an exciting time.

For all of you “shedheads” out there, you will pleased to know that tonight’s episode promises some very special guests. First up on the roster are Bret Michaels and Ashley Simpson. Rumor has it they will be “singing” a new single from Bret’s new album, inspired by his tumultuous journey in search of love. After this epic performance, Nikita Polyakov will take to the stage and perform a monologue about the hardships of being Russian. This will be a tear jerker so please so bring your box of tissues...but be sure not to cry in front of him since Russians dislike emotion. After Nikita presents his thesis on nuclear weapons, human trafficking, and the difficulty of purchasing bread on the black market, he will run through some Windows Mobile stuff. His past presentations (as seen on Letterman and The Tyra Banks Show) have received glowing reviews so this should be performance of a lifetime. Russ Fustino, Bill Reiss, and Stan Schultes will also be speaking (though their topics are “top secret”) and will round out the night’s show.

Tonight’s festivities kick off at 6:30pm and are being held at the Microsoft office in Tampa. For more information or to check out the latest Russ' Tool Shed videos, please visit: http://channel9.msdn.com/shows/toolshed

Hope to see everyone there!